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Do you always get what you don’t want in your life?
It seems logical that if you don’t want something in your life, then to focus on not wanting it in your life is the right thing to do. After all, you want to get rid of what you don’t want…right? What you spend the bulk of your time thinking about is what you get, and if you spend the bulk of your time thinking and worrying about the stuff you don’t want in your life, then you get more of the stuff you don’t want.
Simple in design, but difficult to grasp, this concept is nothing new. Realizing the full implications of the truth hidden within this statement is a true epiphany.
I can share many examples of this shift in mindset, but there is one that sticks out for me. It was a dramatic realization that I could actually use this inverse law to my advantage. This is what I call a direct affect of working with inverse expectation.
As a very serious and defensive driver, I have little patience for other drivers who just might react a bit more slowly than I do. I’ll politely refer to these lovely people as ‘idiots’. In actuality, over the years driving had become a portal for my anger. My aggression on the road was severe, and I always expected the idiots to ruin my driving experience. Guess what?
They did just that…Every time
Heading out to the car in the morning, I would begin to replay in my mind what had happened on the road yesterday, or last week, or last month. As I opened the door, slipped behind the wheel and buckled in, my heart rate would increase as I prepared for vehicular warfare.
Approaching the highway in peak morning traffic, I was a raging bull ready to cut off anyone foolish enough to get in my way. Due to this bizarre addiction to anger, I would often arrive to work physically shaken from this daily trauma.
Did I mention I had a few issues?
I’ve had numerous passengers remark they’ve never had so many near-crash experiences as when they were riding with me. Some commented that I was too aggressive in my driving, while others noticed that the idiots did indeed seem to just gravitate towards me.
I now know that both realities were at play, reinforcing each other with each expectation bringing that experience. My aggressiveness, plus ‘the idiots’, provided a recipe for potential disaster
Using my growing Objective Observer, I identified my predisposition for driving-related anger. I knew I had to make some changes to that aspect of my life. Owning up to this knowledge was one small part of my growth, but implementing it in my life has been something else all together.
So what did I do?
I’ve began to purposefully direct myself to stay calm while driving. I now let people in ahead of me by choice, and feel less affronted when the idiots do veer into my lane or stop unexpectedly. The attitude I’ve adopted is one of acceptance.
Through activating my Objective Observer I’m able to bring my emotional reactions, which were causing my road rage, under control. It feels good to let the anger go.
I’ve learned to alter my expectation from – “Here come the idiots!” – and redirect my focus toward actually enjoying the driving experience, the car I love to drive, and the act of driving itself. Within a few months there were recognizably fewer contacts with idiots!
Now, if there is a challenging encounter with another driver, I’m much better able to control my thoughts and actions. As a result my anger and stress levels have reduced significantly. Each time I exert this control, my Objective Observer grew stronger.
Trust me I’m no saint, and this process is still underway today!
Write On!
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